I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
