My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
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