You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
