so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
