Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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