glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
