My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
