dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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