She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
