I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
