You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
