mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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