Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
