i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
