so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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