I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize