I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
