That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
