Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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