Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
