I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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