her vagine was all disorganized.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
