dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
