I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
