well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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