you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
