Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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