clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
