hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
And then he peed in my hair
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