you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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