she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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