He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
