Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
