I must be too annoying 4 u.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize