So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize