Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
