My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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