Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize