I'm eating all of the evidence.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
