Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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