Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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