Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
