You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
