we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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