hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
