She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
