I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
