can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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