We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
