i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
