tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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