3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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