Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
