This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
