You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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