that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
