Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
