The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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