Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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