so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize
