dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
