sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
