why do cheetos always look like penises
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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