So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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