I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's never too late to be topless.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
