Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize