I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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