no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
