Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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