I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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