i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
