so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
