she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
