Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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