and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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