i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
