I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
