I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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