the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
