I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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