He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
