I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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