My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
