Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
