Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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