thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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