things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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