And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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