I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize