I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
