why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
