Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
