I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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