we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
