No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
