I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
