I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
