let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
