No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
