Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
