apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
