I'm drive I can fine osifer
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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