i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
