were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
