I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
