My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
