who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
