And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize