Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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