I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
