I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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