I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
